For starters...

The first trillion posts here will be a lot of different things, but mainly revised work from high school and stuff I've done this past semester in my creative writing class.

This is something I've cooked up (or brought upon myself?) and I think it's hysterical. Then again, I do have a horribly arid sense of humor.

Words that Need to be Learned and Used More Often:

Shitheel (an asshole, jerk off, douche bag, etc.)

Dolt (an idiot; a tool; a dumbass.)

Asshat (someone whose head is constantly up his or her ass, making his or her ass a hat!)

Quaff (to drink deeply)

Wung* (the past tense of “wing.” Example: I forgot to study for the test so I wung it.)

You’re (the contraction of “you” and “are.” It is different from “your,” which is possessive. “Your grammar is so atrocious you’re now required to take and ace a grammar course.”)

You’re? Why is that there?

It’s for the idiots that don’t know that there is another form of “your.”

*Wung is not an actual word; though, once you start using it, it makes a lot of sense.

A Silly Conversation Outside of Wilson Hall:

Girl: Can I masticate your wenis?

Boy: Can you…what?

Girl: Can I chew on your elbow skin?

Boy: Once you masticate a wenis, you’re masticating all the other wenises that other mouths have masticated before it masticated that wenis.

Contractions

You are not= You’re not or You aren’t (both singular and plural)

She is not= She’s not or She isn’t

We are not= We’re not or We aren’t

They are not= They’re not or They aren’t

Following this pattern, shouldn’t we be able to say

I am not= I’m not or I amn’t?

Apparently not.

Whether or not you find this funny, I don't care; I do. Have I mentioned that I'm an English major and grammar fanatic?